Part of the Brain-Smart Start in Conscious Discipline involves having the students make and write down a daily commitment. This week I've emphasized writing commitments with my fifth grade students, and have discovered some things that really help my class with this concept.
First I explained to the students the difference between a commitment and a goal. Many students wanted to write "I'll bring my Reading grade up" for their commitment. However, this is a goal because it takes a long time to achieve. I told my students that their commitment must be something they could accomplish during the school day, and it must be measurable. Several students like to write vague statements such as "I will be nice today." When we share our commitments and a student uses one of these vague statements, I always ask them to explain what "nice" looks like. "How will you know if you are being nice? What will you be doing if your being nice?" When the child responds with a concrete example, then I suggest they write that down as their commitment. Now instead of having a vague, difficult to measure promise, the students have something more concrete. "I will be nice today" becomes "I will include others when they are feeling lonely" or "I will remember to control my temper during recess."
During our morning class meeting, I hand each student a post-it note. The students write their commitment for the day on the post-it note and stick it on the corner of their desk. We then share commitments, I help students redirect theirs if necessary, and we begin our day. Throughout the day, I remind students to work on their commitments; the post-it note comes in handy so that they can check their progress.
Before we leave for the day, we take a minute to re-read our commitments and decide if we Oopsed or if we Succeeded. It's really wonderful to see their faces light up when they realize they made their commitment. It's also interesting to see how they respond when they've oopsed; we talk about ways to improve the next day and I help them come up with suggestions. The important thing is I try not to be judgemental about their success or lack thereof; I simply accept their evaluations and move on to the next student.
I also make a daily commitment myself that I share with the students. Yesterday my commitment involved walking a mile during our recess time. Unfortunately, it was freezing cold and after half a mile I brought the kids back inside the school. That afternoon when we shared our commitments, several students delighted in pointing out that I did not keep my commitment. They thought it was funny. I found the whole thing very interesting. Personally, I think it is good when students see their teachers make mistakes and then handle those mistakes in a calm, rational manner. After all, isn't that part of teaching too?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Conscious Discipline Basics
For those of you unfamiliar with Conscious Disicpline, I would like to give you some basic information (terminology, guidelines, etc). Please understand that Conscious Discipline is the brainchild of Dr. Becky Bailey, who researched and developed the program. The best way to understand Conscious Discipline is to either attend one of her seminars (these are incredible and well worth the money!) or to read her book Conscious Discipline. It is not my intention to try and teach CD, because I am not qualified. Nor do I want to infringe upon copyright laws. If you look at the top of my blog, there is a link to the Loving Guidance (the producers of Conscious Discipline) website. I encourage you to go there for all the information on CD, including materials you can order and valuable tips and information.
Everything presented here is my interpretation of Dr. Bailey's terminology used in her Conscious Discipline seminar. Remember, this is a layperson's viewpoints and not endorsed by Dr. Bailey. Any mistakes are my own errors and should not reflect upon Dr. Bailey's program or abilities.
Now for the basic terminology (keep in mind this is the simplified "For Dummies" version). The way I understand it, the brain can basically be divided into three main parts. These parts are the brain stem, the limbic system, and the pre-frontal lobes. Each part serves a different purpose. The brain stem is concerned mainly with survival. Dr. Bailey explains that this main concern can be expressed with the phrase, "Am I safe?" When presented with a dangerous situation, the brain stem can respond in only one of three ways: fight, flight, or deception. The developmental need of the brain stem is safety.
The second part of the brain is the limbic system. This systems is the control center for emotions. The main concern of the limbic system would be the phrase, "Am I loved?" The developmental need of the limbic system is connection.
The third part of the brain is the pre-frontal lobes. From what I understand, the frontal lobes are the last part of the brain to develop. This area of the brain is where we make choices and solve problems. Since children's frontal lobes aren't fully developed, adults need to "lend" their frontal lobes to the students by helping them make positive choices. The phrase for the frontal lobes is "How can I solve this? or What can I learn from this?" The developmental need of the frontal lobes is problem solving in social situations.
When a child is "in their brain stem" it means that they've reverted to a survival state. They are concerned about safety. They won't be able to say this to you, but you'll recognize it from the screaming, hitting, or other out-of-control behaviors.
A child "in their limbic system" is more concerned about emotional safety. This child might be crying, name-calling, or otherwise showing a lot of emotion.
A child "in their frontal lobes" is calm, rational, and able to problem solve. This is the ultimate state to be in.
Everything presented here is my interpretation of Dr. Bailey's terminology used in her Conscious Discipline seminar. Remember, this is a layperson's viewpoints and not endorsed by Dr. Bailey. Any mistakes are my own errors and should not reflect upon Dr. Bailey's program or abilities.
Now for the basic terminology (keep in mind this is the simplified "For Dummies" version). The way I understand it, the brain can basically be divided into three main parts. These parts are the brain stem, the limbic system, and the pre-frontal lobes. Each part serves a different purpose. The brain stem is concerned mainly with survival. Dr. Bailey explains that this main concern can be expressed with the phrase, "Am I safe?" When presented with a dangerous situation, the brain stem can respond in only one of three ways: fight, flight, or deception. The developmental need of the brain stem is safety.
The second part of the brain is the limbic system. This systems is the control center for emotions. The main concern of the limbic system would be the phrase, "Am I loved?" The developmental need of the limbic system is connection.
The third part of the brain is the pre-frontal lobes. From what I understand, the frontal lobes are the last part of the brain to develop. This area of the brain is where we make choices and solve problems. Since children's frontal lobes aren't fully developed, adults need to "lend" their frontal lobes to the students by helping them make positive choices. The phrase for the frontal lobes is "How can I solve this? or What can I learn from this?" The developmental need of the frontal lobes is problem solving in social situations.
When a child is "in their brain stem" it means that they've reverted to a survival state. They are concerned about safety. They won't be able to say this to you, but you'll recognize it from the screaming, hitting, or other out-of-control behaviors.
A child "in their limbic system" is more concerned about emotional safety. This child might be crying, name-calling, or otherwise showing a lot of emotion.
A child "in their frontal lobes" is calm, rational, and able to problem solve. This is the ultimate state to be in.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Gryffin's Meltdown: CD in Three Minutes
Last night I got the opportunity to try my CD skills on my two year old son, Gryffin. Notice I said "opportunity." (I'm trying to keep a positive frame of mind). Anyway, Gryffin wanted to join me in my bed for "night-night." This is a tradition that Justin and I do with Gryffin every evening; we bring him into our bedroom and read to him, play games with him, and do some "I Love You Rituals" with him. Basically, its a time for the three of us to come together as a family without the distraction of television, computers, or household chores. Afterwards, we let him watch his television show "Go, Diego, Go!" and then its time for bed.
Last evening we had our traditional night-night, and Gryffin went to watch his television show. Usually he loves to watch Diego, and will calmly sit in the recliner until the show ends. However, last night he decided that he wanted to go back into our bedroom for more night-night.
Now, Justin was working on the computer and I was finishing some evening chores. Additional night-night time just wasn't an option. I told Gryffin no, and he began to scream. Enter melt-down stage.
My initial reaction was to immediately threaten Gryffin with a spanking or time-out, our typical discipline pattern. However, I remembered my vow to try and use Conscious Discipline, and so I took a deep breath and picked up my son.
By this time, Gryffin was obviously deep in his brain stem. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, his arms and legs flailing about in anger. I knew my first job would be to make eye contact with Gryffin so that I could bring him up from his brain stem to his limbic system (for those of you unfamiliar with this terminology, see earlier post entitled "Conscious Discipline Basics"). I picked him up and held him against my chest, facing me. I then began to calmly repeat "Your face is going like this. Your eyes are going like this. Your mouth is going like this." I said this over and over, for approximately one minute. When he still didn't make eye contact with me, I actually said, "Your voice is going like this: AAaaggghhh!" My semi-scream startled him enough to make him look at me. Bingo: I had eye contact. Time for phase two.
Although Gryffin continued to cry and squirm, he was now looking at me and I could tell he was listening. He had upshifted from his brain stem and was now in his limbic system. Since the limbic system is a highly emotional state, I needed to connect with him by recognizing and labeling his emotions. Once again, using my calm voice, I began to tell him "You wanted to go night-night and you couldn't. It's sad when we don't get to do the things we want. I understand how you feel, but it's going to be okay." I kept repeating this until, after another minute or so, Gryffin stopped crying. Eureka! Enter phase three.
Now that Gryffin had calmed down, I was able to offer him two choices. Offering choices moves a child from their limbic system into their prefrontal lobes....the ideal place to be. So I told Gryffin his choices: he could return to the living room to finish watching his show or he could go to bed (he knows this means his own room for sleep). I had to repeat the choices several times, but eventually he chose to go into the living room, sit in the recliner, and finish watching Diego.
I know it took a long time to tell this story, but it honestly only took about three minutes. Three minutes to bring a screaming, full-tantrum two-year old child into a state of calm compliance. I don't know about you, but I've spent more than three minutes listening to him scream while he's in time-out!
I hope you don't get the impression that I was a paragon of calm rationality throughout the situation, because that wasn't the case at all. In fact, the entire time I was trying to calm Gryffin, I was asking myself "Now what do I do? What's next?" This is where my little mnemonic memory device NERO really helped. Notice body movement ("your hands are going like this), Eye contact ("there you are!"), Recognize emotions ("it's sad when you don't get to do what you wanted"), and Offer choices ("you may sit in the chair or go to bed"). That helped me remember what I needed to do, so maybe that's something that might help you as well.
Wishing you well,
:)
Last evening we had our traditional night-night, and Gryffin went to watch his television show. Usually he loves to watch Diego, and will calmly sit in the recliner until the show ends. However, last night he decided that he wanted to go back into our bedroom for more night-night.
Now, Justin was working on the computer and I was finishing some evening chores. Additional night-night time just wasn't an option. I told Gryffin no, and he began to scream. Enter melt-down stage.
My initial reaction was to immediately threaten Gryffin with a spanking or time-out, our typical discipline pattern. However, I remembered my vow to try and use Conscious Discipline, and so I took a deep breath and picked up my son.
By this time, Gryffin was obviously deep in his brain stem. He was screaming at the top of his lungs, his arms and legs flailing about in anger. I knew my first job would be to make eye contact with Gryffin so that I could bring him up from his brain stem to his limbic system (for those of you unfamiliar with this terminology, see earlier post entitled "Conscious Discipline Basics"). I picked him up and held him against my chest, facing me. I then began to calmly repeat "Your face is going like this. Your eyes are going like this. Your mouth is going like this." I said this over and over, for approximately one minute. When he still didn't make eye contact with me, I actually said, "Your voice is going like this: AAaaggghhh!" My semi-scream startled him enough to make him look at me. Bingo: I had eye contact. Time for phase two.
Although Gryffin continued to cry and squirm, he was now looking at me and I could tell he was listening. He had upshifted from his brain stem and was now in his limbic system. Since the limbic system is a highly emotional state, I needed to connect with him by recognizing and labeling his emotions. Once again, using my calm voice, I began to tell him "You wanted to go night-night and you couldn't. It's sad when we don't get to do the things we want. I understand how you feel, but it's going to be okay." I kept repeating this until, after another minute or so, Gryffin stopped crying. Eureka! Enter phase three.
Now that Gryffin had calmed down, I was able to offer him two choices. Offering choices moves a child from their limbic system into their prefrontal lobes....the ideal place to be. So I told Gryffin his choices: he could return to the living room to finish watching his show or he could go to bed (he knows this means his own room for sleep). I had to repeat the choices several times, but eventually he chose to go into the living room, sit in the recliner, and finish watching Diego.
I know it took a long time to tell this story, but it honestly only took about three minutes. Three minutes to bring a screaming, full-tantrum two-year old child into a state of calm compliance. I don't know about you, but I've spent more than three minutes listening to him scream while he's in time-out!
I hope you don't get the impression that I was a paragon of calm rationality throughout the situation, because that wasn't the case at all. In fact, the entire time I was trying to calm Gryffin, I was asking myself "Now what do I do? What's next?" This is where my little mnemonic memory device NERO really helped. Notice body movement ("your hands are going like this), Eye contact ("there you are!"), Recognize emotions ("it's sad when you don't get to do what you wanted"), and Offer choices ("you may sit in the chair or go to bed"). That helped me remember what I needed to do, so maybe that's something that might help you as well.
Wishing you well,
:)
Conscious Discipline Begins
As most of you know, I was fortunate enough to attend Dr. Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline Seminar in Orlando, Florida, this past summer. I truly found the whole experience life-changing; in fact, it is my ultimate goal to attend the Conscious Discipline Part 2 seminar and learn even more about this amazing program. That is a lofty goal, I know, but I really feel that CD is such a positive, illuminating program that I really want to be a major part of it.
This is Draper's first "real" year of implementing Conscious Discipline in our classrooms and in our school, and we know that things are going to be very rough as we begin to implement these changes into our personal and professional lives. Since our whole school is just starting with CD, we thought it would be a good idea to have a place where everyone can read about each other's experiences, share their own trials and triumphs, and ask questions. The only way I know to publish an open forum for discussion is through a blog post. Hence the blog "Conscious Discipline Discoveries." If you would like to submit a post, simply write it in a word or works document and email it to me. I'll copy and paste it into the blog for you. (By the way, if anyone knows a better way to do this than a blog, let me know and we can do it that way instead).
If you have questions or comments about something I write or post, use the comments section and we'll talk. Feel free to point out mistakes and offer your own tips when you find things that work for you. Together, we can make the most of CD in our school family, our home lives, and our personal life journeys.
Wishing you well,
:)
This is Draper's first "real" year of implementing Conscious Discipline in our classrooms and in our school, and we know that things are going to be very rough as we begin to implement these changes into our personal and professional lives. Since our whole school is just starting with CD, we thought it would be a good idea to have a place where everyone can read about each other's experiences, share their own trials and triumphs, and ask questions. The only way I know to publish an open forum for discussion is through a blog post. Hence the blog "Conscious Discipline Discoveries." If you would like to submit a post, simply write it in a word or works document and email it to me. I'll copy and paste it into the blog for you. (By the way, if anyone knows a better way to do this than a blog, let me know and we can do it that way instead).
If you have questions or comments about something I write or post, use the comments section and we'll talk. Feel free to point out mistakes and offer your own tips when you find things that work for you. Together, we can make the most of CD in our school family, our home lives, and our personal life journeys.
Wishing you well,
:)
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